#In British Costume Dramas

So last week the fantastic book/comic reviewer Glenn Weldon posted a series of tweets that took off in a big way. They were called #During The Government Shutdown and they were all something like this:

The Tea Party seizes the Botanical Gardens; in the blood-soaked soil, worms grow fat as baby gherkins. #duringthegovernmentshutdown

clever funny stuff but I shall not be outdone, even by some as awesome as Glenn Weldon. So, in honour of the reboot of Upstairs Downstairs I have created #inbritishcostumedramas


Old Ladies take no nonsense, never marry, and spout witty and condescending lines #inbritishcostumedramas

Spunky, short, young, cute orphans become maids #inbritishcostumedramas

The Lord's driver and the Lady's younger sister bond over a shared belief if fascism #inbritishcostumedramas

Men rip off their shirts, get drunk on the remnants of cocktails, and then punch random dudes in the stomach #inbritishcostumedramas

People have far, far too much money #inbritishcostumedramas

Houses seem to be almost TARDIS like #inbritishcostumedramas

Servants in love kiss on their breaks and stare through the cracks under the bathroom door and speak softly to show their passion #inbritishcostumedramas

Rich people in love spend far too much time thinking and never actually act because they are too caught up in the conventions of the time #inbritishcostumedramas

Random Jewish Imigrants go to anti-Nazi protests and then have heart attacks #inbritishcostumedramas

Random Indian guys are AWESOME in every way #inbritishcostumedramas

We have lots of scenes with clinking silverwear #inbritishcostumedramas

People are always very concerned about politics #inbritishcostumedramas

In which I am very, very, very Geeky

So one of my all time favorite pieces of entertainment, Doctor Who, starts in a few weeks and numerous rumors and teasers have been circulating/released by the writers. So I decided to talk a bit about my thoughts on these teasers and the new trailer.

Spoilers ahead.


At the end of the last season the TARDIS(Time and Relative Dimension in Space, do keep up) was hijacked and blown up by a person with mysterious(and creepy as heck) voice who said "Silence Will Fall" Steven Moffat(the head writer, obviously, how could you ever think any different?) made the clever decision to not just end it there. He continued it on to the next season(the one which starts in a few weeks). All of us Whovians have been speculating for almost a year as to who the voice is.

Another question is, of course, who is River Song(I can't tell you who she is, because no one knows who she is! Geez!) Is she the Doctor's wife?(lame) Is she the Doctor's mother?(less lame but really, really creepy) Is she Amy Pond in another form(lesser lame) Is she the TARDIS(really really odd) Now the cast and writers, in a Q&A yesterday, basically said that the first three are untrue(I assume, they made fun of them and basically said that they were crazy. But who knows? We are in the middle of a massive BBC conspiracy. Trust No One).

Then, last week, it came out that the Neil Gaiman penned episode will be titled The Doctor's Wife. And its description is that a woman(who is not River Song, this has been confirmed) knocks on the TARDIS door. She has a new face but is not new to the Doctor at all. So this raises anticipation for the series to begin even higher.

And then, and then. A few days ago Moffat announced that in the first episode one of the leads will die. He said, "We're not lying, we're not cheating: one of those four people is going to die! When I came up with this heart-wrenching twist, I thought 'We'll kill off one of the leads in the season opener.' It lures you in."

Now we have been promised a death before(CURSE YOU RTD!!!) and were cheated(CURSE YOU RTD!!!) but I trust Moffat more than numerous family members and friends right now so I believe him.

But this raises an issue. In the trailer for the new series we see three of the leads(Amy, The Doctor, and Rory) in other episodes. So this leaves River Song but we've already seen how she dies(Timey Whimey stuff) and it's in a library.

I will now, because I am a nerd with too much time on my hands, dissect the trailer for the new series, second for second.

1: Doctor in Chains, with a beard. A female voice says "this is the doctor's..." The Doctor's what?! Tell me!!!

2. "Darkest Hour" Ohhhh Okay, that makes sense.

3. Shipyard in the future. The Doctor's standing next to a women, who isn't Amy or River song. Could this be his wife? the voice continues "He will rise higher..." Is the Doctor a drug addict? that would be an interesting twist.

4. "Than ever before and then fall" So he's climbing a ladder, okay Mr. Moffat where are you going with this?

5. Someone in the dark, in a cloak leading a horse drawn carriage while a gaslamp flickers. I HAVE IT!! Oh this is so awesome! Neil Gaiman's episode....is the long awaited sequel to his masterpiece Neverwhere! Oh My God It'll be so epic, so, so epic. Seriously, Matt Smith beating up angels? Best. Thing Ever! "So Far" The voice says, so it's a high ladder.

6. weird creepy eye. Very creepy eye. It looks pained. Why are you so sad, eye?

7. Weird Creepy Paper Mache doll thing. I don't like this thing, it scares me. Make it go away.

8. Astronaut raising his hand to reach out to us. Where are you going Astronaut man? Don't leave us!

9. "This is the day he finds out" the voice continues "who I am" we see river song kissing the doctor, full on the mouth. This might be why Moffat made fun of the Mother theory. The voice is revealed to be River Song.

10. The doctor is coming into focus and saying gibberish.

11. Still gibberish. It sounds like "Hey, bye, bye, gum" Where is the Gum going Doctor? Where is it going?!!

12. Space thingy.

13. TARDIS flies out of the space thingy, what an intriguing twist, well played sir, well played.

14. Doctor opens TARDIS doors dramatically. Matt Smith is seriously awesome, anyway...

15. "Okay" says Amy. What's okay, why wouldn't things be okay, WHAT IS GOING ON?!!!

16. Amy comes into focus, looking worried, "Where are we" she asks, trying to stay calm.

17. Doctor looks, astonished at the TARDIS console. Where are we Doctor, Where have you taken us?!!!

18. "Where We've never ever been" The Doctor replies, shocked. Bermuda! We've never been there, and I hear it's nice, Snow Cones on me!!

19. Moon Colony thingy. Looks like Bespin, why does it look like Bespin?

20. A gunshot rings out and the Doctor's cowboy hat flies off. All Right, Partner, This Means War.

21. Creepy people standing. Two of them have weird helmety things and spears. It's Aquaman and his minions!! Run IN FEAR!!!

22. The Doctor is wearing a space helment "look how" He says....What A cliffhanger!!! All those reviewers were right!!

23. "this stuff is" the doctor finishes looking like a happy schoolboy.

24. TARDIS console is blowing up. Doctor and Rory are blown backwards.

25. River Song is dancing...WITH A LASER!! She's in a tank top, spinning around, with a red lasery thing. What the heck is up with that?

26. Big Ship, a real ship, must be from the Pirate Episode(yes there is a Pirate episode, Yay!)

27. Quick shot of people screaming(must be the Silents from the First Episode, Somebody said they resemble with the famous painting The Scream) and then some dude with a beard looking worried. Must be from the Pirate Episode(there's some famous guy with a beard in that episode apparently)

28. Porcelain Dolls on the war path, this might get ugly.

29. Door flies open and we see, with creppy light behind it.....A DOLLHOUSE!!! OH MY HEAVENS IT"S A FREAKING DOLL HOUSE!!! THIS IS SO FREAKING EPIC!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

30. Kid Looking Scared. A deep voice says "Fear Me" Okay mate, I will.

31. Doctor looking disdainful, the deep voice continues "I've killed hundreds of Time Lords" Okay mate, now I really fear you.

32. The Doctor still looks disdainful.

33. "Fear me" The Doctor replies, but....Your' Hair's so funny....

34. "I've Killed All of them" Okay now, I do fear you, despite the hair.

35. Doctor being blown off a ladder....This must be when he falls so far.

36. Blue light being shot at Amy and Rory.

37. Creepy doll thing(there seem to be a lot of those) this one is a ventrilquist's dummy, which are innately scary(no joke, and the monkey wind up things that clap cymbals are like the scariest things ever)

38. (the big one, the whole reason I'm doing this) Rory is in...THE 10TH DOCTOR'S TARDIS!!! Yes it is clearly the TARDIS used by David Tennant. And someone is regenerating. Why is Rory in the 10th Doctor's TARDIS? I have no idea....BUT I WANT TO FIND OUT!!!!

39. An eye being pressed to a whole and The Doctor dressed as a sad clown(which by the way ARE FREAKING TERRIFYING)

40. Pirate guy reaching out to touch a mermaid's bubble

41. Mermaid looks unhappy/cruel. Don't trust her, Pirate Guy!!!

42. Minotaur staring into the camera. I like Minotaurs.

43. Hot sandy place. Probably Utah.

44. Amy running, and she glances back behind her....what is she running from?!

45. We don't see because we cut to The Doctor pretending to be a Jedi with his sonic screwdriver.

46. Child's eye looking through a crack in the door.

47. Amy jumping up, she's swinging something....WHAT IS IT?

48. A gun! The Doctor yells no as Amy screams

49. And fires!!

50. "I've been running" The Doctor says, SPOILER!! There will be running in Doctor Who, shocker I know.

51. "My Whole Life" The Doctor continues.

52. Doctor looks shocked and worried. "Now it's time for me to stop." He finishes. No more running in Doctor Who? How can this be?



So there we are....thoughts?

I'll post later with mine. By later I mean a few days or so.

New York New York I want to be part of it(well actually no I don't)

The New York state Gubernatorial candidates' debate took place last night and I decided this morning that I have let the craziness of New York's Gubernatorial race go far too long without writing a piece about it.

Let's run down the list of canndidates shall we?

First we have the Democratic Candidate, Andrew Cuomo. Mr. Cuomo is the son of a former Governor of New York and he has served as the US Sec. Of Housing and Urban Development and currently serves as the NY Attorney General. Nothing particularly interesting to say about him, the craziest views that I found that he holds is the view that Facebook is unsafe for minors, but except for that he's just kind of a normal candidate. He also sounds shockingly like Christopher Walken. So I shall move on.

Next we have Howie Hawkins, the Green Party candidate. Again not much to say about him, he's a normal Green Candidate. Very liberal but not a total nutcase. So again I shall move on.

Up Next is the Anti-Prohibition party. The Anti-Prohibition has nominated a woman who used to, um how should I put this, work with women of, shall we say, an unsavory profession. Now, she is not only not ashamed of that, she is kind of running on it. It's her main qualification for the job it appears.

Now we have Charles Barron, who is an ex-black panther.

Now we are getting into the final two(which are my favorite two)
W

First is Jimmy McMillan(otherwise known as Papa Smurf) of the Rent is 2 D**N High. He always wears black gloves and his position is...The Rent is 2 D**N high. He repeated that constantly at the debate and finally got Andrew Cuomo to crack up.

Finally is my favorite Carl Paladino, the Republican candidate. He has emailed out both racist videos and porn videos. He also believes that welfare recipients are lazy and should be put into prison work camps. HE says that all gay pride marches are disgusting(because he stumbled on one years ago in Canada) and that Homosexuality is not a valid or successful option and children should not be exposed to gay teachers. He apologized for those remarks saying that his nephew is gay and he's a great kid and that Mr. Paladino supports gay rights "100%" except for the anti-gay pride marches and the anti-gay marriage positions the man holds. He has also told a reporter that he will "take him down" and he has accused, with no evidence, Andrew Cuomo of having an affair and causing his marriage to break up. Funny thing is, it's actually Paladino who has fathered a child with his mistress. So much for family values. He also is against abortion in the case of rape and incest and will do whatever necessary to halt the Mosque that is a few blocks away from ground zero.

Here's my question: If you're a moderate Republican from NY who do you vote for? Because Paladino sure isn't moderate. In fact I think he might be borderline fascist(he does support prison camps)

quote of the day

The Airline Pilots Sketch
-------------------------

by John Cleese & Graham Chapman

Transcribed from the video:
"John Cleese on How To Irritate People"

The Cast Captain: John Cleese
First Officer: Graham Chapman
Steward: Michael Palin

(The sketch opens in an aeroplane cockpit.
The Captain and the First Officer are whistling idly.
They are obviously very bored.)

C: I spy with my little eye something beginning with S.
FO: Sky.
C: Mm-hm.
FO I spy with my little eye something beginning with C.
C: Cloud.
FO: Yeah.
Oh God, I'm so bored.
C: I'm fed up with that game. Let's play another game.
I know what..
FO: What?

(The Captain picks up a microphone.)

C: (over intercom) "Hello, this is your Captain speaking.
There is absolutely no cause for concern."
That'll get them thinking.

(The First Officer reaches for the microphone.)

C: No, no, no, no. Not yet, not yet. Let it sink in.
They'll be thinking, er, 'What is there no cause for alarm
about? Are the wings on fire?'
(over intercom) "The wings are not on fire."
Now they're thinking, er, 'why should he say that?'
So we say...

(The Steward enters.)

FO: Oh, how are we doing?
S: (looks down the aisle) They've stopped eating;
Looking a bit worried...
C: Good.
S: Hang on, one of them is going to the washroom.
C: Is he there yet?
S: He's just closing the door... NOW!
C: One... Two... Three..
FO: (over intercom) "Please return to your seats and fasten your
seat-belts immediately."
S: Yes... here he comes, going up the aisle like the clappers.
I'll do the worried walk now.

(He leaves.)

FO: Right. Safety regulations.
C: (agreeing) Safety regulations.
FO: (over intercom) "Please listen carefully. I want you, I want
to remind you of some of the safety regulations.
In the case of emergency it is vitally important to..."

(The Captain makes a radio-static type noise.)

FO: "as the warning buzzer sounds."
C: "Bzzzz"

(They both laugh.)

C: Oh, that's got them rattled.
S: (enters) Great, great! (exit)

C: Hey, I've got an idea!
"Hello, you will find your life-jackets under your seats."
FO: No, they're on the racks.
C: Sh, shh, let them scrabble a bit.
"I'm sorry, you will ind them on the racks above your heads."
FO: Aaah!
S: (back again) Great, great, that was marvellous!
FO: Right. Gobbledegook.
C: Oh, yes.
FO "The scransons above your heads are now ready to flange.
Please unfasten your safety belts and press the emergency
photoscamps on the back of the seats in front of you."
S: (looks out) Marvellous, milling about, climbing over the seats.
FO: "Please find the emergency sprill in the washroom at the back
and release it..."
C: "but do not unfasten your safety belts."
S: That got them back to their seats.
FO: "The emergency sprill MUST be released..."
C: "but do not leave your seats."
FO: "Do not panic."
C: "Tea will now be served."
FO: "Inflate your life-jackets"
C: "and extinguish all cigarettes."
FO: "Please remove the luggage from the racks above your heads and
place it on the racks on the other side of the aircraft."
C: "Except for hand luggage..."
FO: "which you should sit on."

(They are in fits of laughter.)

C: Now have a look.
S: (looks) Hang on... hang on... they've all jumped out!

(They laugh, pointing downwards and looking out of the windows.
After a while the laughter dies away.
There is a lengthy pause.)

C: You know, I wouldn't be surprised if there was some trouble
about this.

(They burst out laughing again. The sketch ends.)

quote of the day

"I never considered myself a maverick."----John McCain

Yeah he never considered himself a maverick except in campaign ads(one was actually called "the Original mavericks"), speeches, town halls, debates, and the subtitle of one of his memoirs. For years John McCain's thing is that he's a maverick and that he wasn't elected "Miss Congeniality", now apparently he never said that. John, what's going on in that mind of yours?

christmas song part 3

Another Stephen Colbert song

Another Christmas Song

Ho! It’s another Christmas song
Whoa! Get ready brother for another Christmas song
They play for a month, Ad infinitum
One day it struck me someone must write ‘em
So! It’s another Christmas song

Santa clause singing on naughty snow
Reindeer ringing in the mistletoe
The manger’s on fire,
The holly’s a-glow
Hear the baby Jesus cryin’ ho ho ho

Hey! It’s another Christmas song
Yay! Another oft’ returning
Royalty earning Christmas song
I’ve got plenty more so go buy a modem
Log on to iTunes and pay to download ‘em
Pay! For another Christmas song

Chestnuts glisten on a silent night
Sleigh-bells kissing by candle light
The tree is frozen, the winter’s bright
Who’d have thought the wise men look so white

You! Don’t you wanna sing along?
To! My humble yule tide
Dreamed up pool side
Christmas song
Make it a part of your holiday canon
Make it the heart of my retirement plan and
Do! Sing another Christmas song

BEAT IT INTO ‘EM FELLAS!
WATCH MY FEET FLY!

But wait! Who’s this?

Young ones starving on a dead-end street
Taped up tabloids on their frost-bit feet
Hear what they carol as they huddle for heat

[All children:]
Please help the “Colbert Children” eat

Whoa! Just another Christmas song
No! This is like no other Christmas-mother-lovin’-song
Public to whom I'm so proud to have pandered
Please save my family and make this a standard
Go! Join the ever-growing throng
Who are singing
And swingin’
While my kids are clinging to the hope
My register’s ching-ching chinging from the cash I’m bringing
From another Christmas song


Love it!!!

Some Funny Political Song Parodies

Here are three Capitol Steps videos. I am sorry, you will still have to cut and paste the link as Blogger is annoying.


This one is a parody of Let It Be by the Beatles called Huckabee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UX7V-F1irek

This is a parody of Boulevard of Broken Dream by Green Day called Boulevard of Broken Dean

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DacLFiWmRw&feature=related

And finally one of my favorites, a parody of Don't Cry for Me Argentina by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice called Don't Cry For Me I'm in Argentina.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THdOHyAvcdc&feature=channel


Enjoy!!!!