Sunday, April 17, 2011

In which I make all my nerd readers very mad

So in nerd culture there are certain people who are considered to be Geek Gods and beyond reproach. These include JK Rowling, John Green, and Joss Whedon. Mr. Whedon is a director and screenwriter who has created such tv shows as Firefly, Dollhouse, and Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And I have a bit of a problem with him, or at least the perception of him as being flawless and a genius.

Let me be clear, before I go on, that I do consider myself a Whedon fan. I do enjoy most of everything he's ever done. However, I find some problems with his work. I shall focus on primarily Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it being his longest running and best known work.

Buffy suffers from a key flaw: It is totally Monster of The Week. By that I mean, every episode has the main character facing up against a monster and that's what the episode is based around. I cannot recall an episode in which there is no monster. To me it gets a little monotonous. What I care about, why I watch the show, is the characters and their relationships. But often the relationships take a back seat to the giant(and often awesome) fight scenes. Which leads me into another problem I have: the fight scenes.

Now I love me a good fight scene, don't get me wrong, but here's the thing about Buffy....The title character is a vampire slayer. Crazy I know, but part of her slaying awesomeness is that she can ram a stick through a vampire's chest and kill it. So, the natural thing to do when you see a vampire and you can do that is to take out the stake right off and take that vamp down. But instead, every single time, she beats the dude up and then stakes him. This seems unnecessarily time consuming and strenuous and takes me out of the show.

One other problem I have, and this goes most to Whedon then any of the others, is some of the plot solutions are just flat out silly. For example: In the first three seasons Buffy has a vampire love interest named Angel(keep in mind that this is eight years before Twilight) and in the end of Season 3 he leaves to star in a spinoff series. Whedon(I assume him, being the showrunner) decided to bring in another vampire, the awesomely fantastic Spike. A great decision, one that made the show way better. But the way it was done was so.......I don't know, Bad. It was just bad. Spike had appeared before in the series as a villain but they wanted to make a semi-hero and thus needed a reason for him to stop randomly killing people. So, in the episode where he comes back, a secret government organization plants a chip in his brain that makes it impossible for him to hurt people. That is just simply lazy writing and, again, pulled me out of the show.

So that is my rant for the day.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

#In British Costume Dramas

So last week the fantastic book/comic reviewer Glenn Weldon posted a series of tweets that took off in a big way. They were called #During The Government Shutdown and they were all something like this:

The Tea Party seizes the Botanical Gardens; in the blood-soaked soil, worms grow fat as baby gherkins. #duringthegovernmentshutdown

clever funny stuff but I shall not be outdone, even by some as awesome as Glenn Weldon. So, in honour of the reboot of Upstairs Downstairs I have created #inbritishcostumedramas


Old Ladies take no nonsense, never marry, and spout witty and condescending lines #inbritishcostumedramas

Spunky, short, young, cute orphans become maids #inbritishcostumedramas

The Lord's driver and the Lady's younger sister bond over a shared belief if fascism #inbritishcostumedramas

Men rip off their shirts, get drunk on the remnants of cocktails, and then punch random dudes in the stomach #inbritishcostumedramas

People have far, far too much money #inbritishcostumedramas

Houses seem to be almost TARDIS like #inbritishcostumedramas

Servants in love kiss on their breaks and stare through the cracks under the bathroom door and speak softly to show their passion #inbritishcostumedramas

Rich people in love spend far too much time thinking and never actually act because they are too caught up in the conventions of the time #inbritishcostumedramas

Random Jewish Imigrants go to anti-Nazi protests and then have heart attacks #inbritishcostumedramas

Random Indian guys are AWESOME in every way #inbritishcostumedramas

We have lots of scenes with clinking silverwear #inbritishcostumedramas

People are always very concerned about politics #inbritishcostumedramas

Monday, April 11, 2011

Book Review: Boyfriends With Girlfriends by Alex Sanchez

Boyfriends with Girlfriends is Alex Sanchez's latest entry into the Genre of LGBT teen fiction. It is about a guy(who is gay) and his friend who is a girl(who is Bi) meeting up with another guy(who is bi) and his friend who is a girl(who is gay) and their romantic struggles.

If you love David Levithan but wish he was Less Poetic, More Preachy, Less Romantic, More Sex-Obsessed, More Obnoxious, and Less Original then Boyfriends With Girlfriends is the book for you. I'm not sure I can explain to you the extent to which I do not like this book but I think I might be able to show you.

I stopped reading about a fourth of the way into the book after a scene in which one of the main characters sleeps with another boy, because he can. That's the only reason, he wants to see what it'd be like. I'm not even sure that the other guy was gay, it was weird. Their being in 7th grade makes it even weirder, more uncomfortable, and mo
re gratuitous. Call me sheltered and naive but I don't think that many or really any 7th graders serf adult websites and sleep with each other in the middle of school.

Essentially, all of the book that I read can be summed up by saying "Bisexuality is real" that is the whole point. The author keeps pounding the point and pounding the point and it gets really annoying after a while.

There is this one part where the girl(the one who's bi) is talking about how she thinks she's straight but she has crushes on girls all the time, had a romantic dream about a girl, and whatever. But she still thinks she's straight. But then she meets this girl(the one who's gay) and she's never felt this way before and things with her boyfriend start breaking down and IT"S LOVE AND IT"S BI, WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS REAL AND GREAT AND FINE AND WONDERFUL, IT"S LOVE GOSH DARN IT!!!!!

There is also the problem of the narration, which says Exactly and Explicitly what each character is thinking and feeling, there is no nuance. I am not a huge fan of flowery writing but I do enjoy a clever turn of phrase or a poetic observation, this book is bare bones, bare bare bones. "Character X sees Character Y walking towards him, "He's really cute, especially his ears and his nose" thinks Character X." is about the level of this writing. Levithan is a master of the phrasing. His books make you feel things very deeply and he can just come out with observations in his writing that just describe your whole life in ten words. Sanchez either does not or can not do that and the book suffers because of it.

When one is writing a romantic novel one must appeal to the romanticism and sentiment inside the reader, Sanchez simply doesn't do that. I could never really care about his two male heroes because they were 1) Total Clichés and 2) Obnoxiously written. Their dialogue physically hurts me and I don't like them really at all.

If you are looking for a book about Bisexuality(Which is Real and Great and Fine and Romantic and Did I mention it's Real?) and Homosexuality I would recommend Boy Meets Boy by Levithan(who I seem to keep talking about) which is everything this book is not:charming, romantic, moving, and well written.

1/4 Stars

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

In which I am very, very, very Geeky

So one of my all time favorite pieces of entertainment, Doctor Who, starts in a few weeks and numerous rumors and teasers have been circulating/released by the writers. So I decided to talk a bit about my thoughts on these teasers and the new trailer.

Spoilers ahead.


At the end of the last season the TARDIS(Time and Relative Dimension in Space, do keep up) was hijacked and blown up by a person with mysterious(and creepy as heck) voice who said "Silence Will Fall" Steven Moffat(the head writer, obviously, how could you ever think any different?) made the clever decision to not just end it there. He continued it on to the next season(the one which starts in a few weeks). All of us Whovians have been speculating for almost a year as to who the voice is.

Another question is, of course, who is River Song(I can't tell you who she is, because no one knows who she is! Geez!) Is she the Doctor's wife?(lame) Is she the Doctor's mother?(less lame but really, really creepy) Is she Amy Pond in another form(lesser lame) Is she the TARDIS(really really odd) Now the cast and writers, in a Q&A yesterday, basically said that the first three are untrue(I assume, they made fun of them and basically said that they were crazy. But who knows? We are in the middle of a massive BBC conspiracy. Trust No One).

Then, last week, it came out that the Neil Gaiman penned episode will be titled The Doctor's Wife. And its description is that a woman(who is not River Song, this has been confirmed) knocks on the TARDIS door. She has a new face but is not new to the Doctor at all. So this raises anticipation for the series to begin even higher.

And then, and then. A few days ago Moffat announced that in the first episode one of the leads will die. He said, "We're not lying, we're not cheating: one of those four people is going to die! When I came up with this heart-wrenching twist, I thought 'We'll kill off one of the leads in the season opener.' It lures you in."

Now we have been promised a death before(CURSE YOU RTD!!!) and were cheated(CURSE YOU RTD!!!) but I trust Moffat more than numerous family members and friends right now so I believe him.

But this raises an issue. In the trailer for the new series we see three of the leads(Amy, The Doctor, and Rory) in other episodes. So this leaves River Song but we've already seen how she dies(Timey Whimey stuff) and it's in a library.

I will now, because I am a nerd with too much time on my hands, dissect the trailer for the new series, second for second.

1: Doctor in Chains, with a beard. A female voice says "this is the doctor's..." The Doctor's what?! Tell me!!!

2. "Darkest Hour" Ohhhh Okay, that makes sense.

3. Shipyard in the future. The Doctor's standing next to a women, who isn't Amy or River song. Could this be his wife? the voice continues "He will rise higher..." Is the Doctor a drug addict? that would be an interesting twist.

4. "Than ever before and then fall" So he's climbing a ladder, okay Mr. Moffat where are you going with this?

5. Someone in the dark, in a cloak leading a horse drawn carriage while a gaslamp flickers. I HAVE IT!! Oh this is so awesome! Neil Gaiman's episode....is the long awaited sequel to his masterpiece Neverwhere! Oh My God It'll be so epic, so, so epic. Seriously, Matt Smith beating up angels? Best. Thing Ever! "So Far" The voice says, so it's a high ladder.

6. weird creepy eye. Very creepy eye. It looks pained. Why are you so sad, eye?

7. Weird Creepy Paper Mache doll thing. I don't like this thing, it scares me. Make it go away.

8. Astronaut raising his hand to reach out to us. Where are you going Astronaut man? Don't leave us!

9. "This is the day he finds out" the voice continues "who I am" we see river song kissing the doctor, full on the mouth. This might be why Moffat made fun of the Mother theory. The voice is revealed to be River Song.

10. The doctor is coming into focus and saying gibberish.

11. Still gibberish. It sounds like "Hey, bye, bye, gum" Where is the Gum going Doctor? Where is it going?!!

12. Space thingy.

13. TARDIS flies out of the space thingy, what an intriguing twist, well played sir, well played.

14. Doctor opens TARDIS doors dramatically. Matt Smith is seriously awesome, anyway...

15. "Okay" says Amy. What's okay, why wouldn't things be okay, WHAT IS GOING ON?!!!

16. Amy comes into focus, looking worried, "Where are we" she asks, trying to stay calm.

17. Doctor looks, astonished at the TARDIS console. Where are we Doctor, Where have you taken us?!!!

18. "Where We've never ever been" The Doctor replies, shocked. Bermuda! We've never been there, and I hear it's nice, Snow Cones on me!!

19. Moon Colony thingy. Looks like Bespin, why does it look like Bespin?

20. A gunshot rings out and the Doctor's cowboy hat flies off. All Right, Partner, This Means War.

21. Creepy people standing. Two of them have weird helmety things and spears. It's Aquaman and his minions!! Run IN FEAR!!!

22. The Doctor is wearing a space helment "look how" He says....What A cliffhanger!!! All those reviewers were right!!

23. "this stuff is" the doctor finishes looking like a happy schoolboy.

24. TARDIS console is blowing up. Doctor and Rory are blown backwards.

25. River Song is dancing...WITH A LASER!! She's in a tank top, spinning around, with a red lasery thing. What the heck is up with that?

26. Big Ship, a real ship, must be from the Pirate Episode(yes there is a Pirate episode, Yay!)

27. Quick shot of people screaming(must be the Silents from the First Episode, Somebody said they resemble with the famous painting The Scream) and then some dude with a beard looking worried. Must be from the Pirate Episode(there's some famous guy with a beard in that episode apparently)

28. Porcelain Dolls on the war path, this might get ugly.

29. Door flies open and we see, with creppy light behind it.....A DOLLHOUSE!!! OH MY HEAVENS IT"S A FREAKING DOLL HOUSE!!! THIS IS SO FREAKING EPIC!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

30. Kid Looking Scared. A deep voice says "Fear Me" Okay mate, I will.

31. Doctor looking disdainful, the deep voice continues "I've killed hundreds of Time Lords" Okay mate, now I really fear you.

32. The Doctor still looks disdainful.

33. "Fear me" The Doctor replies, but....Your' Hair's so funny....

34. "I've Killed All of them" Okay now, I do fear you, despite the hair.

35. Doctor being blown off a ladder....This must be when he falls so far.

36. Blue light being shot at Amy and Rory.

37. Creepy doll thing(there seem to be a lot of those) this one is a ventrilquist's dummy, which are innately scary(no joke, and the monkey wind up things that clap cymbals are like the scariest things ever)

38. (the big one, the whole reason I'm doing this) Rory is in...THE 10TH DOCTOR'S TARDIS!!! Yes it is clearly the TARDIS used by David Tennant. And someone is regenerating. Why is Rory in the 10th Doctor's TARDIS? I have no idea....BUT I WANT TO FIND OUT!!!!

39. An eye being pressed to a whole and The Doctor dressed as a sad clown(which by the way ARE FREAKING TERRIFYING)

40. Pirate guy reaching out to touch a mermaid's bubble

41. Mermaid looks unhappy/cruel. Don't trust her, Pirate Guy!!!

42. Minotaur staring into the camera. I like Minotaurs.

43. Hot sandy place. Probably Utah.

44. Amy running, and she glances back behind her....what is she running from?!

45. We don't see because we cut to The Doctor pretending to be a Jedi with his sonic screwdriver.

46. Child's eye looking through a crack in the door.

47. Amy jumping up, she's swinging something....WHAT IS IT?

48. A gun! The Doctor yells no as Amy screams

49. And fires!!

50. "I've been running" The Doctor says, SPOILER!! There will be running in Doctor Who, shocker I know.

51. "My Whole Life" The Doctor continues.

52. Doctor looks shocked and worried. "Now it's time for me to stop." He finishes. No more running in Doctor Who? How can this be?



So there we are....thoughts?

I'll post later with mine. By later I mean a few days or so.