So, as I am sure you all know, Bestselling Author Sarah Palin has released the much anticipated sequel to her 2009 blockbuster Going Rouge. I can tell you that the midnight release parties were amazing, we had a costume contest(I dressed as Levi Johnston) and we pinned up a picture of Obama and threw darts at it. Anyway..after all the festivities were done I ran home and cracked open the book, because I desperately want to know what became of my favorite characters.
So I am reading along and I come to this passage that made me go "Right On Sarah!"
"In fact, we may be creating a generation of entitled little whiners. I came across an article that reported how growing numbers of employers today complain that many young job applicants exhibit all the signs of having been, there's no other word for it, spoiled. These young people feel entitled to jobs and salaries they haven't earned."
Yes! Yes exactly! Them darn kids who think that they are entitled to a job that they have not earned! Don't they know that you have to work your way up the ladder? You can't just jump to the top without having any training or qualifications!
I'll go one step forward than Sarah did, these kids have such short attention spans and now loyalty! As soon as they get bored with a job or think that they can make more money elsewhere they quit! It's crazy! I tell ya, this entitlement mentality is what is destroying our society.
So, right on Sarah! Keep that talk coming!
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Oh no you dinit
I am outraged. And before I begin to tell you what's so outrageous I must thank Elfarmy for showing me what to be outraged about and it worked because now I'm outraged.
I am outraged because NPR, which I now dub Nazi Plutocrat Radio, has committed an unspeakable atrocity. They had persecuted a innocent man and stripped him of his god given 1st amendment rights simply because they didn't like his political beliefs.
I am speaking of Juan Williams(who like the great martyr Rachel Corrie was driven over by a bulldozer, the bulldozer of the liberal biased media) who simply stated his balanced logical and reasonable view and Narcissist Paranoid Radio was scared that he would challenge their secret agenda and so they fired him.
But no, we will not stand for it. Already a public backlash has started against Name-calling Poor-loving Radio. Sarah Palin has called for the cutting off of all government funding for NPR and musicians are beginning to record protest songs sticking up for Mr. Williams. Roger Ailes has been public about his support for Mr. Williams 1st Amendment rights.
How about we look at what he said.
"I mean, look, Bill, I'm not a bigot. You know the kind of books I've written about the civil rights movement in this country. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous."
How about I flip the sarcasm switch to off right now and address Juan Williams personally.
Mr. Williams you are the former host of one of my favorite NPR programs and I am sure you are an intelligent man but I feel that your comments, setting aside the prejudicial nature of it, don't make any sense.
What exactly do you mean by Muslim garb? Are you referring to the burkahs worn by the women? If not what else are you referring to? Also how does wearing religious paraphernalia mean that they identify themselves first and foremost as Muslims? If I am Jewish and I wear a a kippah does that mean that I am defining myself first and foremost as a Jew? If I am a Sikh and I wear a turban does that mean that I am defining myself first and foremost as a Sikh? If I am Christian and I wear a cross necklace does that mean that I am defining myself first and foremost as a Christian?
(I shall now address my readers again)
The reason that NPR fired him is because "News analysts may not take personal public positions on controversial issues; doing so undermines their credibility as analysts..." They have a perfect right to fire a analyst if they think that he is no longer credible. It is their right. It is his right to say what he wants and it is their right to not like it and fire him accordingly.
If he was working in an office where his political beliefs had nothing to do with his work it would be different but the fact that his political beliefs or lack there of are the cornerstone of his job it is appropriate for his employer to fire him for his statement.
And Sarah Palin saying that we need to cut funding to NPR because they fired a correspondent really really bothers me. She is proposing crippling an institution that has been providing the public with information for 40 years just to score some political points. She truly appears to have no morals at all.
I am outraged because NPR, which I now dub Nazi Plutocrat Radio, has committed an unspeakable atrocity. They had persecuted a innocent man and stripped him of his god given 1st amendment rights simply because they didn't like his political beliefs.
I am speaking of Juan Williams(who like the great martyr Rachel Corrie was driven over by a bulldozer, the bulldozer of the liberal biased media) who simply stated his balanced logical and reasonable view and Narcissist Paranoid Radio was scared that he would challenge their secret agenda and so they fired him.
But no, we will not stand for it. Already a public backlash has started against Name-calling Poor-loving Radio. Sarah Palin has called for the cutting off of all government funding for NPR and musicians are beginning to record protest songs sticking up for Mr. Williams. Roger Ailes has been public about his support for Mr. Williams 1st Amendment rights.
How about we look at what he said.
"I mean, look, Bill, I'm not a bigot. You know the kind of books I've written about the civil rights movement in this country. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous."
How about I flip the sarcasm switch to off right now and address Juan Williams personally.
Mr. Williams you are the former host of one of my favorite NPR programs and I am sure you are an intelligent man but I feel that your comments, setting aside the prejudicial nature of it, don't make any sense.
What exactly do you mean by Muslim garb? Are you referring to the burkahs worn by the women? If not what else are you referring to? Also how does wearing religious paraphernalia mean that they identify themselves first and foremost as Muslims? If I am Jewish and I wear a a kippah does that mean that I am defining myself first and foremost as a Jew? If I am a Sikh and I wear a turban does that mean that I am defining myself first and foremost as a Sikh? If I am Christian and I wear a cross necklace does that mean that I am defining myself first and foremost as a Christian?
(I shall now address my readers again)
The reason that NPR fired him is because "News analysts may not take personal public positions on controversial issues; doing so undermines their credibility as analysts..." They have a perfect right to fire a analyst if they think that he is no longer credible. It is their right. It is his right to say what he wants and it is their right to not like it and fire him accordingly.
If he was working in an office where his political beliefs had nothing to do with his work it would be different but the fact that his political beliefs or lack there of are the cornerstone of his job it is appropriate for his employer to fire him for his statement.
And Sarah Palin saying that we need to cut funding to NPR because they fired a correspondent really really bothers me. She is proposing crippling an institution that has been providing the public with information for 40 years just to score some political points. She truly appears to have no morals at all.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The political system is obviously broken, and I know that because I lost
So Charlie Christ decided to run as a traitor, whoops sorry I mean independent this week because the political system of Florida is broken. How does Mr. Christ know this? Because he fell behind in the polls.
I would actually like to introduce a new feature on this blog, called the Liberal Rocker Endorses. So in the Florida Senate Race, The Liberal Rocker Endorses, drumroll please, Charlie Christ! Yes Charlie Christ of the backstabbing liar party. Why? Because I think that the Republicans need their own Joe Lieberman, an independent who sort of agrees with them but totally disagrees with them on other issues and votes with the other party.
I would actually like to introduce a new feature on this blog, called the Liberal Rocker Endorses. So in the Florida Senate Race, The Liberal Rocker Endorses, drumroll please, Charlie Christ! Yes Charlie Christ of the backstabbing liar party. Why? Because I think that the Republicans need their own Joe Lieberman, an independent who sort of agrees with them but totally disagrees with them on other issues and votes with the other party.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Do not end don't ask don't tell
Yeah! I said it, like many conservative pro-military Americans I want to kick all the gays out of our military! I don't care if they're Arab Linguists, which we sorely need, or the best dang soldiers that ever lived! I'm not letting no gay people into my military!
Why, you ask. Here's why because the Bible says that being gay is wrong, and I believe in the Bible! I believe everything in it, every single God-Blessed word of it! Except for the stuff about polygamy, slavery and loving your neighbor.
In fact, I think that no one who does not obey the Ten Commandments should serve in our military.
1. "I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me." That's right! We don't want no stinkin' atheists in our army! Or any Jews or Muslims or Hindus or Buddhists or any other people either! Just good Christians in our army!
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the Earth beneath, or that is in the water under the Earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me; and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love Me, and keep My Commandments. No one who has ever pledged allegiance to anything other than God should be allowed in!
3. Thou shalt not take the Name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh His Name in vain. Yeah! No cussin' in the army!
4. Remember the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: for in six days the LORD made heaven and Earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath Day, and hallowed it. No working on the Sabbath day! If you do then we kick ya out!
5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. If you ever fought with you ma or pa, then there's the door!
6. Thou shalt not kill. Dang Right, We don't want any killers in our army!
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Ever slept with anyone you ain't married to? Then get the heck outa our military!
8. Thou shalt not steal. No stealin' in our fightin' force!
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Ever lied to get someone in trouble or to start war? Then no more fightin' for you!
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbour's. You ever been jealous? Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
So, to conclude we need to make sure our army remains the best and most talented in the world, so we need to kick talented and well trained people out because of who they sleep with. Doesn't that make a whole lot of sense?
Why, you ask. Here's why because the Bible says that being gay is wrong, and I believe in the Bible! I believe everything in it, every single God-Blessed word of it! Except for the stuff about polygamy, slavery and loving your neighbor.
In fact, I think that no one who does not obey the Ten Commandments should serve in our military.
1. "I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me." That's right! We don't want no stinkin' atheists in our army! Or any Jews or Muslims or Hindus or Buddhists or any other people either! Just good Christians in our army!
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the Earth beneath, or that is in the water under the Earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me; and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love Me, and keep My Commandments. No one who has ever pledged allegiance to anything other than God should be allowed in!
3. Thou shalt not take the Name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh His Name in vain. Yeah! No cussin' in the army!
4. Remember the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: for in six days the LORD made heaven and Earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath Day, and hallowed it. No working on the Sabbath day! If you do then we kick ya out!
5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. If you ever fought with you ma or pa, then there's the door!
6. Thou shalt not kill. Dang Right, We don't want any killers in our army!
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Ever slept with anyone you ain't married to? Then get the heck outa our military!
8. Thou shalt not steal. No stealin' in our fightin' force!
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Ever lied to get someone in trouble or to start war? Then no more fightin' for you!
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbour's. You ever been jealous? Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
So, to conclude we need to make sure our army remains the best and most talented in the world, so we need to kick talented and well trained people out because of who they sleep with. Doesn't that make a whole lot of sense?
Friday, December 18, 2009
christmas song part 3
Another Stephen Colbert song
Another Christmas Song
Ho! It’s another Christmas song
Whoa! Get ready brother for another Christmas song
They play for a month, Ad infinitum
One day it struck me someone must write ‘em
So! It’s another Christmas song
Santa clause singing on naughty snow
Reindeer ringing in the mistletoe
The manger’s on fire,
The holly’s a-glow
Hear the baby Jesus cryin’ ho ho ho
Hey! It’s another Christmas song
Yay! Another oft’ returning
Royalty earning Christmas song
I’ve got plenty more so go buy a modem
Log on to iTunes and pay to download ‘em
Pay! For another Christmas song
Chestnuts glisten on a silent night
Sleigh-bells kissing by candle light
The tree is frozen, the winter’s bright
Who’d have thought the wise men look so white
You! Don’t you wanna sing along?
To! My humble yule tide
Dreamed up pool side
Christmas song
Make it a part of your holiday canon
Make it the heart of my retirement plan and
Do! Sing another Christmas song
BEAT IT INTO ‘EM FELLAS!
WATCH MY FEET FLY!
But wait! Who’s this?
Young ones starving on a dead-end street
Taped up tabloids on their frost-bit feet
Hear what they carol as they huddle for heat
[All children:]
Please help the “Colbert Children” eat
Whoa! Just another Christmas song
No! This is like no other Christmas-mother-lovin’-song
Public to whom I'm so proud to have pandered
Please save my family and make this a standard
Go! Join the ever-growing throng
Who are singing
And swingin’
While my kids are clinging to the hope
My register’s ching-ching chinging from the cash I’m bringing
From another Christmas song
Love it!!!
Another Christmas Song
Ho! It’s another Christmas song
Whoa! Get ready brother for another Christmas song
They play for a month, Ad infinitum
One day it struck me someone must write ‘em
So! It’s another Christmas song
Santa clause singing on naughty snow
Reindeer ringing in the mistletoe
The manger’s on fire,
The holly’s a-glow
Hear the baby Jesus cryin’ ho ho ho
Hey! It’s another Christmas song
Yay! Another oft’ returning
Royalty earning Christmas song
I’ve got plenty more so go buy a modem
Log on to iTunes and pay to download ‘em
Pay! For another Christmas song
Chestnuts glisten on a silent night
Sleigh-bells kissing by candle light
The tree is frozen, the winter’s bright
Who’d have thought the wise men look so white
You! Don’t you wanna sing along?
To! My humble yule tide
Dreamed up pool side
Christmas song
Make it a part of your holiday canon
Make it the heart of my retirement plan and
Do! Sing another Christmas song
BEAT IT INTO ‘EM FELLAS!
WATCH MY FEET FLY!
But wait! Who’s this?
Young ones starving on a dead-end street
Taped up tabloids on their frost-bit feet
Hear what they carol as they huddle for heat
[All children:]
Please help the “Colbert Children” eat
Whoa! Just another Christmas song
No! This is like no other Christmas-mother-lovin’-song
Public to whom I'm so proud to have pandered
Please save my family and make this a standard
Go! Join the ever-growing throng
Who are singing
And swingin’
While my kids are clinging to the hope
My register’s ching-ching chinging from the cash I’m bringing
From another Christmas song
Love it!!!
song for christmas part 2
This is from Stephen Colbert's Christmas Musical Special. This is a song that he sung as a duet with Elvis Costello
Much Worse Things to Believe In
Elvis: There are cynics, there are skeptics
There are legions of dispassionate dyspeptics
Who regard this time of year as a maudlin insincere
Cheezy crass commercial travesty of all that we hold dear
Stephen: When they think that
Well, I can hear it
But I pity them their lack of Christmas spirit
For in a world like ours, take it from Stephen
There are much worse things to believe in.
Elvis: A redeemer and a savior, an obese man giving toys for good behavior
Stephen: The faith in what might be and the hope that we might see
The answer to all sorrow in a box beneath the tree
Find them foolish
Elvis: Sentimental
Stephen: Well you're clearly none too bright
Both: so we'll be gentle
Stephen: Don't even try to start vaguely conceiving
Both: Of all much worse things to believe in
Stephen: Believe in the judgment, believe in Jihad
Believe in a thousand variations on a dark and spiteful god
Elvis: You've got your money, you've got your power
You've got your science, and all the planets going to end within the hour
Stephen: You've got your dreams that don't come true
Elvis: You've got the ones that do
Stephen: Then you've got your nothing
Both: Some folks believe in nothing
But if you believe in nothing
Then what's to keep the nothing from coming for you
Stephen: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year
Now if you'll forgive me there's a lot to do here
There are stockings still unhung
Colored lights I haven't strung
Elvis: And a one-man four-part Christmas carol waiting to be sung
Stephen: Call me silly, call me sappy
Call me many things, the first of which is happy
You doubt, but you're sad
I don't, but I'm glad
Both: I guess we're even
Stephen: At least that's what I believe in
Both: And there are much worse things
Much Worse Things to Believe In
Elvis: There are cynics, there are skeptics
There are legions of dispassionate dyspeptics
Who regard this time of year as a maudlin insincere
Cheezy crass commercial travesty of all that we hold dear
Stephen: When they think that
Well, I can hear it
But I pity them their lack of Christmas spirit
For in a world like ours, take it from Stephen
There are much worse things to believe in.
Elvis: A redeemer and a savior, an obese man giving toys for good behavior
Stephen: The faith in what might be and the hope that we might see
The answer to all sorrow in a box beneath the tree
Find them foolish
Elvis: Sentimental
Stephen: Well you're clearly none too bright
Both: so we'll be gentle
Stephen: Don't even try to start vaguely conceiving
Both: Of all much worse things to believe in
Stephen: Believe in the judgment, believe in Jihad
Believe in a thousand variations on a dark and spiteful god
Elvis: You've got your money, you've got your power
You've got your science, and all the planets going to end within the hour
Stephen: You've got your dreams that don't come true
Elvis: You've got the ones that do
Stephen: Then you've got your nothing
Both: Some folks believe in nothing
But if you believe in nothing
Then what's to keep the nothing from coming for you
Stephen: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year
Now if you'll forgive me there's a lot to do here
There are stockings still unhung
Colored lights I haven't strung
Elvis: And a one-man four-part Christmas carol waiting to be sung
Stephen: Call me silly, call me sappy
Call me many things, the first of which is happy
You doubt, but you're sad
I don't, but I'm glad
Both: I guess we're even
Stephen: At least that's what I believe in
Both: And there are much worse things
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
God No!!
So like many people I am shocked and outraged at President Obama. He's taking so long to decide how many young Americans we are going to send off to fight and die in a foreign country. How Dare He?! How Dare He Think About An Issue Such As This?! How Dare He Deliberate?! How Dare He Discuss This Issue With, I don't know, Experts?!
We didn't see President Bush do this, and we all know how well he ran the country. There were no problems during his term. And that was because he didn't bother to talk to any people who, you know, know anything about the issue. He just made a decision and acted on it, no matter what the facts were.
And that worked out so well.
Obama should take a page out of President Bush's playbook and just make a decision that will affect the country for decades to come on the spur of the moment. How Could That Possibly Go Wrong?
We didn't see President Bush do this, and we all know how well he ran the country. There were no problems during his term. And that was because he didn't bother to talk to any people who, you know, know anything about the issue. He just made a decision and acted on it, no matter what the facts were.
And that worked out so well.
Obama should take a page out of President Bush's playbook and just make a decision that will affect the country for decades to come on the spur of the moment. How Could That Possibly Go Wrong?
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