Yeah! I said it, like many conservative pro-military Americans I want to kick all the gays out of our military! I don't care if they're Arab Linguists, which we sorely need, or the best dang soldiers that ever lived! I'm not letting no gay people into my military!
Why, you ask. Here's why because the Bible says that being gay is wrong, and I believe in the Bible! I believe everything in it, every single God-Blessed word of it! Except for the stuff about polygamy, slavery and loving your neighbor.
In fact, I think that no one who does not obey the Ten Commandments should serve in our military.
1. "I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me." That's right! We don't want no stinkin' atheists in our army! Or any Jews or Muslims or Hindus or Buddhists or any other people either! Just good Christians in our army!
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the Earth beneath, or that is in the water under the Earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me; and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love Me, and keep My Commandments. No one who has ever pledged allegiance to anything other than God should be allowed in!
3. Thou shalt not take the Name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh His Name in vain. Yeah! No cussin' in the army!
4. Remember the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: for in six days the LORD made heaven and Earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath Day, and hallowed it. No working on the Sabbath day! If you do then we kick ya out!
5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. If you ever fought with you ma or pa, then there's the door!
6. Thou shalt not kill. Dang Right, We don't want any killers in our army!
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Ever slept with anyone you ain't married to? Then get the heck outa our military!
8. Thou shalt not steal. No stealin' in our fightin' force!
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Ever lied to get someone in trouble or to start war? Then no more fightin' for you!
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbour's. You ever been jealous? Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
So, to conclude we need to make sure our army remains the best and most talented in the world, so we need to kick talented and well trained people out because of who they sleep with. Doesn't that make a whole lot of sense?
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9 comments:
funny....where did you find this?
I wrote it.
wow!
oh my word. this is fightin' funny. gush durn it.. you crack your mama up.
I am ever so impressed with your commentary. I am 41 years old and can't express it as articulate, sarcastic, or spot on as you. THANK YOU. This was an amazing post. And I am so glad we are 100% in agreement.
Agreed with butcep!
I read the first few sentences and was thinking "wait a minute, he wrote this? what?" and then I continued and "Oh, he's being sarcastic. Right. Ha. [smiles sheepishly]" Sarcasm is so difficult to convey in text, which is why I use [sarcasm on] and [sarcasm off] sometimes. You did a good job with it.
Agreed with butcept!
My favorite part was probably "if you've ever been jealous, we're kicking you out!" It's so ridiculous to think there's people (besides newborn babies and such) who haven't been jealous at some point.
Oh, wait, are my comments not appearing because you guys have to approve them first? Sorry for posting twice then...
If they followed everything that you wrote, we would have a small and laughable army. We would probably get invovled in less wars as a result, as it's very hard to win a war without actually killing someone.
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