Gin and Tonic Jokes

Okay so for those of you who do not know I was in Washington DC this weekend with my book club to go to the ALA Summer Conference. On the first day we were there I told a joke to a friend of mine that intentionally had no punchline. The joke was "A Man walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic." I told it to mess with her(I pretended that it was a hilarious joke and she just didn't get), but I then took it upon myself to come up with a joke that revolves around a man walking into a bar and ordering a gin and tonic. Here are the three best results.

The Lovers joke.

A man walks into a bar and sees that the barman is helping a woman so he decides to wait. Suddenly the barman puts his hands on the bar and vaults over the bar and gets down on one knee. He pulls out a ring and says "I know we've only known each other for two minutes but you're the only one for me. Please be my wife!" The woman replies "I know that I don't even know your name, but you're my soul-mate.Yes I'll be your wife. Yes, Yes, Yes Yes YES!" The barman jumps up and embraces the woman. They hug, they kiss, it's romantic, it's passionate. "Hey guys break it up! break it up!" The man says as he runs forward. He pushes the woman out of the way and she sprawls on the floor. "This is important." The man says as he turns to the barman. He pokes a finger into the barman's chest and says "I want a gin and tonic."

The Punchline Joke(The most recent of the gin and tonic jokes)

A man walks into a bar and slams some money on the bar. "I Want a Gin and Tonic and I want it fast. The barman says "Okay man, here you go." The customer takes the glass and throws it on the ground where it smashes. "I said I wanted it fast!" The man yells, "Pour me another." The barman wants to argue with the man but he is kind of a small guy and the customer is built like a linebacker and seems very angry so he just pours him another drink. Again the customer throws the glass on the ground and demands to have another one "fast". The barman pours him another and yet again he smashes it. This goes on for a while with the barman pouring the man a drink and the man smashing it. Finally the barman hands the man the last glass the barman owns and again the customer smashes it and screams "I said I wanted it fast!" The barman has finally had enough and is on the brink of tears. "Look," he says trying to stay calm, "You keep saying you want it fast, but I've poured it for you almost instantaneously. What is it that you want?!" The customer stares off into the distance for a little bit turns back to the barman and says "I'm afraid I've forgotten the punchline."

The Not a Good Idea joke(by far the most popular gin and tonic joke)

A man runs into a bar and slams some money down. "I want a gin and tonic." He gasps, looking around wildly. The barman pours him the drink and he downs it in one gulp. Suddenly police appear from everywhere. They pop out from behind doors, they come out from the floorboards, and some even descend from the ceiling on ropes. They shoot the customer over and over and over again. Then they grab his lifeless body, pull him over to a pole which they have brought in, tie him to it, and set the pole on fire. After the body has been burned they all run off leaving the barman standing there shocked. Another man walks in, looks around, and walks up to the barman. He puts some money down on the bar and says "I'd like a gin and tonic please." The barman slowly shakes his head and says "That's not a good idea.