Comedy Skit

The Last Nomination of Christ
by Rock4ever

In a world much like our own, war rages in the Middle East. Israel has declared war on Iran and countries are fast taking sides. It seems that the only hope for peace is for the United States to send an ambassador to stop the conflict before it engulfs the world. President Obama thought long and hard about his choice and has settled on a man whom he hopes will be able to prevent WWIII.

Curtain rises as President Obama and Vice President Biden stand at a podium while a man with a beard stands back in the shadows.

President Obama: He has a background with the Middle East that will help him greatly with solving the problem of the war between Iran and Israel. I wish to reiterate that there is no immediate threat to the United States. As John F. Kennedy said......
Biden grabs the mike

Vice President Biden: Run for the hills!! They're coming!!! The sewers have been poisoned, we're all gonna die!!! I remember we had the same problem back in Scranton, where I grew up! We....

Obama: That's enough Joe. Now as I was saying, this man is perfect for the job of ambassador to the Middle East. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus Christ!

Jesus walks to the podium

Jesus: Thank You Mister President. I am honored to accept this job. I will do my very best to try and bring this horrible conflict to an end with a conclusion that is satisfying to all those concerned. What the Middle East needs is a non-biased moderator who does not have his own agenda. I hope to be that person. Thank you, God Bless You.

curtain falls

Curtain rises on Newt Gingrich, Michael Savage, Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, Rachel Maddow, Michael Steele and Neal Conan discussing the speech on Talk of the Nation

Ann Coulter: This Jesus person is a Muslim-loving extremist who will turn us into a nation of socialists.

Glen Beck: He's already made us socialist, he wants to make us Fascist!

Neal Conan: Wait, socialism is the opposite of fascism.

Michael Savage: Be quiet you dirty little liberal! We came on to talk, and not have idiots say crazy things!

Rachel Maddow: So you don't want to be fact checked?

Michael Savage: Click

Neal Conan: I think he just hung up on us.

Newt Gingrich: See what you did! You're liberal bias just made that man hang up!

Rachel Maddow: Why you...

Neal Conan: Can we get back to the discussion now?

Rachel Maddow: I think Jesus is very qualified for the job.

Ann Coulter: What job? The job of killing Jews? The job of the second holocaust?

Newt Gingrich: I don't think that Jesus will give the Israelis a fair shake I mean look at the speech! He admitted he was pro-Iran!!

Rachel Maddow: He said that he would be an "unbiased mediator"!

Newt Gingrich: That's code for "Pro-Iran" if he was for Israel he would have said "we will stand with our allies" or "We will give Justice where justice is do".

Michael Steele: Yo Yo Yo, what's goin' on, my cats?

Neal Conan: It's "dawgs" Mister Steele.

Ann Coulter: There you go being all "politically correct" again!

Michael Steele: I think this Jesus dude is, like, yo sup yo yo yo!! I wear my hat to the side, and Newt, my mother from another brother, wears his hat backwards and Ann, my homelady, wears hers forward, and Glenn, my phat yo yo sup sup yo yo sup, wears his to the side, but we all wear the same rap it up yo yo sup hat, you get me father?

Rachel Maddow: I have no idea what you just said.

Neal Conan: Well that's it, I'm afraid. Thank You all. Tomorrow Murry Horowitz will be here to discuss the best movies about ambassadors to the Middle East. This is NPR, National Public Radio.

The curtain falls.

The curtain rises on Jesus and Obama in the oval office. Jesus has just come back from his Middle East tour.

Obama: Well? How did it go?

Jesus: I'm sorry Barack, but I can't help you.

Obama: What? Why? Everyone says it would take a miracle to bring peace to the Middle East, so I got a guy who could raise the dead, how could you have failed?

Jesus: You need more than a miracle, you need a time traveler.

Obama: and where in blazes am I supposed to find one of those?!

there is whooshing and a Police Box appears. A man steps out.

The Doctor: I have a sinking feelling that this isn't Live Earth.

Obama(turning to Jesus): You Thinking what I'm thinking?

THE END